The Mess I Made
by reina108
Summary: Elena deals with the huge changes in her life as Damon attempts to help her. With the unexpected departure of Stefan and the return of her stolen memories, one of her most important decisions becomes clouded with doubt.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: So, when first uploading this, I had no clue how to make one of these, clearly I'm new. Any ways, this is my first TVD fanfiction, actually my first anything since the days of the original American Idol, and the product of my procrastination instead of working on my biopsychology paper. Not smart, I know. But whatever, I really hope you enjoy this as I checked it over and over again in order to make sure it's worthy of being uploaded, and with my need for perfection and slight ADD, it was a very time consuming task.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, settings, or basic TVD magic. All the rights belong to Ms. Plec and the other writters and producers of the show.

x

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Damon strolls into the dimly lit room with a glass of bourbon in his hand, as always, and watches as Elena stares into the flames that are lit in the fire place. He hears her exhale shakily and he knows she'd been crying again. She'd heard him enter the room and the soft clink of ice against glass clearer than she'd ever heard as a human, even if she isn't fully a vampire yet. She is in transition. And Damon, as irritating as ever, keeps trying to convince her to drink a blood bag. She know's it's the only option, with her not wanting to physically hurt anyone in order to complete her transition, and her being the only one left to take care of Jeremy since every one else that was supposed to do that is dead. _You're dead too_, she thinks bitterly. Her heart aches more then it's ever ached, even if she thought she was miserable before, this level of emotion completely baffled her. That's why she's been sitting on this couch of the past few hours, hoping that no human walked through the doors of the Salvatore boarding house, and trying to ignore her grumbling stomach. She could now fully understand most of the things that Damon had done… what Stefan had done in order to rid of those feelings. _Stefan._

"Where's Stefan?" she asks. She's asked this question plenty of times in the last five hours. She hears his sigh of frustration… _anguish_? She can't quite tell. It's probably a bit of both… actually a whole lot of both.

"I don't know, Elena," his voice is strained. He's holding back from snapping something like '_how many times do I have to fucking tell you_'? She believes him, but she wishes she didn't. She wishes he did know, and that he would just tell her already. So she lets him believe that she thinks he's lying. She stands up and walks towards him.

"What did you do?" she groans, her anger bubbling up inside of her.

"What?" He's clearly baffled.

"What did you do to make him leave? Stefan would never leave me like that in a time that I need him!" she screams. Damon's eyes flicker away from her face and she immediately feels the guilt gnawing at her insides. She can only imagine what he's thinking. It's probably something along the lines of '_why can't you need me? Why can't I ever be enough?_' And as he looks back into her eyes, she knows. Yeah, that's probably it. "Answer me, please," she begs. Damon swallows nervously. _That's a first_, she thinks, _Damon nervous. Or maybe I've never noticed it before. Oh, he has done something… _"Damon?"

"Elena, I…" his eyes harden. "I told him off. I was just so mad at him that he didn't drag you out first. I wouldn't have cared what you wanted… I would have dragged you out of that car weather you fought me or not. I will always choose you." There it is again. "I'd rather have you alive and well, and hating me for not saving Matt but I'd still know you're … not… turning into something you hate… something that I hate," his voice wavers. _Oh, Damon_… her emotions pool in her eyes.

"So, he just left?"

"Almost took the security guard out, but yeah…" There is a slight spark of amusement in his eyes, behind all that sorrow as he remembers how Stefan had grabbed the scrawny man and thrown him up against the wall, bearing his fangs in all their glory. The man definitely needed compelling and a lot of coaxing into making him calm down.

"I don't understand… he must be in a lot of pain right now, Damon. I don't want him to do anything he'll regret. We have to find him!" Her tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I think he already regrets a lot…" he mutters, reaching up to wipe them. "Look, Elena," he says, mentally collecting himself. "I don't know what you're decision on turning is, but we have to focus on that now… You don't have too long to make up your inexplicable mind and I'd like you to live… and so does Jeremy." Elena gasps.

"You talked to Jeremy?" she said, her eyes searching his for any deceit. He nods once.

"He wants you to turn. He told me that you probably don't want to see him because you won't trust yourself, but he wants to see you… and he wants you to turn because he'll still love you no matter what you are…" he clears his voice, clearly frazzled. _Just as I love you, _he thinks. Elena's lips turn up in a smile and more tears roll down her face.

"I'd like to see him when I feel more in control…" she says quietly. Damon's eyes light up.

"Does that mean…"

"Yes," she saids meekly. Damon grabs her and crushes her in his embrace, burying his nose in her hair.

"I didn't want you to hate me forever…" he whispers, his voice strained. _Oh, he would have forced me to drink any way_, she thinks. Her mouth twists in distaste. Speaking of taste… she can smell him… and it's so much stronger than she'd ever sensed him. His light spray of cologne, his unique Damon smell… she can practically taste it on her tongue. Is that how she would feel around humans, as well? Being so close and so tempted to just sink her teeth into their flesh. She shudders at the thought… or is it because his hands are running up and down her back? She feels a tingling in her gums and her tongue darts out to find her canines ready and sharp. They pierce into the skin of her tongue as she unexpectedly pulls it back with a gasp. Damon pulls away to look at her. His jaw clenches when he notices her vampiric features. She can only guess that he's probably thinking of Katherine and she suddenly whimpers, feeling afraid of him and what he would want to do to her. _Torture her, surely… I would_.

"Damon?"

"Come," he commands, leading her into the cellar with the fridge full of blood bags. Oh, she can already smell it and she's salivating at the thought. _No. That's not right,_ her conscience yells. _You're a monster now! A demon_. She glances at Damon. _He's not always a demon… Damon, my demon._ She giggles internally at the thought, but suddenly scolds herself. _He's not yours. You chose Stefan. But where is he now?_ A small part of her don't really care, and feels the pull towards the darker brother. It's always been there, but not as strong as it is now.

_ "It's okay to love them both. I did." Ugh. Screw you, Katherine._

"Here," Damon says, snapping her out of her thoughts, holding out a blood bag.

"This is weird," she says, her eyes looking up at him uncertainly. Damon looks surprised at her outburst and chuckles slightly, but then his eyes turn hard again. _He's trying to intimidate me, she laughs internally_. "Just this once," she states, ripping open the bag. The smell hits her now full force and she almost whimpers. He looks are her questioningly, with his eyes brows doing their thing, but he doesn't have time to ask her what she means before she's devouring the contents of the bag. She doesn't hold back, she can't. She moans deep in her throat as the blood trickles down. She feels some slip down her chin. _No, don't waste it._ She opens her eyes to see Damon staring at her with dark eyes. He's veining, she notices. Is it because of the blood? With every ounce of self control she rips the bag from her mouth.

"Damon," she moans. _That didn't come out right._ "You should have one too. You were hurt. You need blood." His jaw ticks.

"Just drink, Elena. Finish it, because I'm not giving you another one," his voice is strained. Elena gasps.

"What? Why?"

"Because we can't have you out of control now, can we?" he threatens. She doesn't retaliate - for once - and brings the bag back up to her lips. She licks them once unconsciously, as Damon takes in a sharp breathe. "I need a minute," he growls, slamming the fridge shut and storming past her quickly. _What's his problem_, she thinks before she can think no more as the rest of the blood rushes down her throat. _Heavenly_, is the only thing that crosses her mind… and _yum_. As soon as she drains the bag of its contents, she looks behind her to see that Damon still hasn't returned. She looks to the fridge and slowly reaches over and lifts the lid. The noise it makes is ridiculously loud. Have fridges always been this loud? Then she realizes that she can hear the creak of the floor boards upstairs as she hears Damon pacing, the hoot of the owl outside on the tree as its leaves brush together in the wind creating a beautiful peaceful sound. _Amazing_, she thinks. Over the overwhelming smell of blood, she can almost smell the fire that burns upstairs in the pit and the lingering traces of Damon. _Wow, is this always how well they can smell? Well, now me too. Oh, no. _Her mind races. _Every time I was sweaty? Or on my period… or… gassy?_ Her entire body floods with mortification. _Why hadn't I thought of that?_ All of a sudden she's laughing hysterically, tears streaming down her face for an entirely different reason. Damon's pacing on the floor boards comes to a halt and she feels a gust of wind and knows immediately that it's him. His eyes dart from the opened fridge to her current state with a look of pure confusion in his eyes that turns to concern.

"Elena?" he speaks carefully.

"Oh, Da… Damon…" she says between breaths, holding her stomach. "I wanted more blood, but then I ran way with my thoughts," she manages. Damon looks at her with a fake smile.

"Don't go insane on me here… I'm not exactly used to this."

"I know," she says walking up to him and wrapping her arms around his neck. "I know and I love that." She buries her face into his neck.

"I wasn't expecting that."

"What?"

"The laughing… or the hug…" he says, still a little weary.

"Me neither," she smiles, looking up into her clear blue eyes. His pupils suddenly dilate. "I thought I was going to flip. Not be able to handle the blood… any thing at all really… I can't believe I'm not throwing you out of the way to get to the fridge. I think my brain is just haywire right now."

"Trust me, you couldn't manage to throw me anywhere, even if you wanted to," he says, his voice low. It makes her tingle with anticipation. For what? _Oh, you know what you want. Wait! What the hell? Do I have some sort of Katherine alter-ego? Gross,_ she huffs mentally. "Let's get you upstairs," he says, grabbing her wrist. Her eyes widen and she freezes.

"Damon…" she hesitates. His eyes sparkle with mischief.

"Away from the blood," he chastises, with a smirk.

"Oh," she feels the heat rush to her cheeks.

"What did you think I meant, Elena?" He smiles with false innocence. She rolls her eyes and goes to punch him in the arm, and for the first time he actually winces. She smiles in triumph. "I'm glad my pain is your pleasure…" he mutters with a smile.

"Not my only pleasure," she says, lowly._ Oh, wow. What just came out of your mouth?_ His eyes widen in surprise, and his pupils dilate once more. But before he can say away thing, Elena rushes up the stairs, using her newly found vampire speed, into the foyer. She gasps, the wind knocking the air out of her. _That was weird. So, I'm still going to have to get used to that. _She feels another gust of wind and suddenly her back is up against the wall and Damon is glaring into her eyes, his vampiric features out.

"Don't you dare say something like that and just run off, Elena," his tone threatening. Her eyes wide and shining, she whimpers as his hands leave her shoulders and move to either side of her head, her dead heart pounding furiously as his knee slips between her legs and his body presses up against her.

"I'm… sorry," she says between ragged breaths.

"You better be," he growls, slowly lowering his eyes to her pouty lips. Her hips jerk against his without her permission, causing a hiss to leave her lips and a groan to leave his. He leans down and she feels his tongue running up her chin to her lips, licking off the small trail of blood she had forgotten about when feeding on the blood bag. "Delicious," he murmurs and their breath mingles as her lips part, and her eyes close automatically. Her hips jump against his once more, hearing his breathing become laboured. She opens her eyes to see him pull away slightly, feeling only disappointment at this point. "Elena," he sighs, before suddenly pushing himself off of her completely. She awkwardly stands there, aroused, with her hands clenched and her back pressed against the wall, and even with all her new found strength, she feels as though her legs might give out on her. Damon lets out a frustrated sigh and runs a hand through his messy hair, before turning away from her and walking towards the stairs.

"Damon?" she whispers, knowing he'll hear it.

"Not now," he snaps, rushing to his room and slamming the door behind him.

_ .,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.__,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,_

_ Fuck._

That's all Damon can think right now.

_Fuck, fuck, fucking fuck_. His fist flies out, punching the wall and splintering the wood. He screams out in pain and frustration. He was supposed to be teaching her - training her to become what he know's she could be. He knows her compassionate heart and knows that she'll probably have more strength when it comes to not attacking humans, but she's still a newbie, with her emotions clearly going haywire, and he'd almost fucked her up against the wall. _Oh, but she had been so pliant and willing. _

"Damn it!" he groans, picking out the splinters in his hand. There was no way he would take advantage of her arousal right now. On the first night that she's even a vampire. He looks outside the window as he sees the dark sky growing lighter. Well, morning now. He sighs as he hears her finally move from the wall and start ascending the steps. In a second he finds him self looking at her as she bursts through the room, her long hair flying all around her as she sucks in a deep breath. Her wide eyes meet his and he can't help but smile a bit. "Take it easy, kiddo," he mumbles, looking back down at his hand.

"Damon," she breathes. _Don't,_ he thinks. _Don't pull that breathy, gaspy stuff on me now._

"Elena," he responds, with a quirk of his eye brow.

"Your hand…" she mumbles, reaching over and looking at it with concern. She pulls out a large splinter from his wrist and he hisses. She looks at the small piece of wood carefully, her thumb running down it's length. It burns as she feels the tiny prickles of the splinters going into her skin, causing her to lightly bare her teeth.

"You're going to be a lot easier to train than either Vicky or Caroline," he states. "You know all the basics of being a vampire."

"And a little more," she says softy, looking up into his eyes. He sighs.

"Elena… look… I'm sorry about earlier."

"I'm not." Both of their eyes widen in surprise. She blushes. "Apparently I have a motor mouth now." Damon chuckles and shakes his head.

"I kind of like it," he winks, causing her to turn an even darker shade of red.

"I just wanted to say something," she said, feigning confidence.

"Okay…" he says wearily.

"I obviously care about you, Damon. I do. And down there… we _both_ wanted that, but I chose Stefan and just because he's ran off, it doesn't mean that he's completely out of the picture. I love him and… I just can't give up on him. But I agree with you. I have to learn to deal with… this new person that I am and then we can find him. But just so you know, I haven't forgot what you said."

"What did I say?" he asks, halfheartedly.

"To remember us, when Stefan comes back… when he was gone last year. And I'll do the same this time too. I just… I'm honestly so confused," she sighs. Damon clenches his jaw.

"Well, good for you but what does that matter if you still chose Stefan?" he says, trying miserably not to glare at her. Elena looks down.

"I thought it would mean something to you… that I haven't tossed our memories aside. That I cherish _every_ memory. That I remember us." Suddenly, there seems to be an underlying meaning to her words. Damon's jaw drops slightly as it dawns on him that she does remember everything. Once she died, all the compulsion wore off. Elena swallows nervously, waiting for him to say something. Anything really. Damon nods briefly.

"Okay, Elena." He steps around her and rushes downstairs.

Elena tip toes down the stairs, hoping her vampire skills can help her with getting around the house quietly. She can hear the flip of a page coming from the great room and she slowly pads her way over there.

"Damon," she calls softly. "Please talk to me." He rolls his eyes from his spot on the couch.

"There's nothing to say, _Elena_," irritation seeping into his tone. Something inside Elena quickly snaps and she can't hold herself back as she barges towards him.

"Why are you avoiding me? Why are you shutting me out now? You certainly didn't have a problem telling me all of your secrets when I was normal! Or is it because you can't hide behind your cowardly mask of compulsion anymore?" she fumes and the minute it comes flying out of her new motor mouth, she regrets it. Damon snaps the book shut and glares are her, eyes blazing.

"If you haven't forgotten, _Elena_," he looms, "you chose _Stefan_. And because you chose _him_, I decided it was better for you to not have some of those memories."

"You couldn't have known I was always going to choose him! You must have had some semblance of hope," she says.

"Make up your fucking mind, Elena!" he roars, "Because I don't know what to take of this conversation or the reason behind it. You told me yourself that you chose Stefan, so just give it up! I'll teach you to control your urges, your blood-lust, and emotions for however long it takes for St. Stefan to come back. Once he does, you'll beg him for his alternative life style, fall back into his arms, and I can leave and won't have to deal with either of you when you fall off the wagon. You'll just have to sort out your own shit!" Elena gaps, taken aback.

"You'll leave?" Her voice quiet.

"Yes. Stefan -" he stops. _Don't rat him out, let her come to you on her own terms, _his conscience tells him_._ Elena looks down. Stefan probably wanted Damon to leave if she would have chosen him, yet Damon hadn't wanted to… She doesn't exactly blame Stefan for wanting an arrangement like that, although she can't help but feel that was a little selfish of him. Damon would have wanted to stay no matter what… probably to protect her from her own stupid choices. She feels her heart being split again. Yes, she had chosen Stefan. But that was before she knew about all the things that Damon had confessed to her.

_"And it's because I love you, that I can't be selfish with you."_

_Oh, god._

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So... How'd I do?

Reviews are appreciated.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: Once again, I'd like to state that I do not own this show, or it's characters, as it belongs to the CW and the shows writers and producers.  
I'm also really sorry this took so long to update but things have been really hectic in my life and once I was positive I was going to work on it, I got grossly sick. I'm better now, hence the update. I really hope you enjoy this chapter, even if I feel like it isn't my greatest. If you could leave a review for me, I'd really appreciate it! xx Cheers!

* * *

A week had gone by and Elena was only getting angrier for being holed up with Damon. The only other person she had trusted herself to see was Bonnie, because she knew that if she tried anything, Bonnie would be able to protect herself, but of course, Damon would stay lurking around in the house, just in case.

The minute Bonnie carefully walked through the door, Elena rushed to greet her.

"Bonnie!" she beamed.

"Hey," Bonnie strained a smile, causing Elena to bite her lip.

"Thanks for coming… I just… I really missed everyone. The phone doesn't exactly do it for me."

"It's okay. I wanted to see you. Besides, if anyone is prepared enough to see you, it's me," she winks, holding up her magic fingers and waving them around a little. Elena smiles.

"I've missed you so much," she says quietly, stepping closer to her, automatically lifting her arms for a hug. Bonnie's smile falters.

"Elena… I don't entirely trust you right now not to loose control."

"Oh," Elena's face falls.

"I just don't want to _have_ to give you an aneurism anytime soon." Elena nods, looking at the ground. "Look… I... umm brought you something…" Bonnie pulls out a silver chain, to reveal the locket Stefan had given her. Elena looks at her confused.

"I can't wear-"

"I removed the vervain. Just thought you might want something to remind you of Stefan."

"I'm living in his house with his brother," Elena snaps, her eyes rolling. "It's not like I can avoid thinking about him… nor would I want to."

"So… how's the training going… with Damon?" she asks, carefully. Elena sighs. She knows that's not really what Bonnie wants to know, but she still evades it.

"It's… okay. I guess… As good as it can be when you're a blood sucking crack head." They both laugh. "But… Damon's really helping me control it. I'm really glad you came over though. I can only handle so much of moody Damon."

In the kitchen, Damon rolls his eyes.

"Oh, please. Not like I'm the only moody one."

...

Bonnie laughs, lifting the glass of orange juice to her lips, and looking down at her empty plate.

"Wow! That was amazing! I guess being locked up with Damon for a whole week isn't too bad if you're making this kind of food!" she grins. Elena laughs.

"Oh, God no. I still can't cook like that! Damon made this."

"Mmhmmm… I can't really complain that Damon made this, because it's so good!" Bonnie laughs. Elena rolls her eyes and smiles. "Uhh oh… Elena!" She gasps. Elena gives her a confused stare.

"What?"

"You're picking up on his I'm-a-jerk habits," Bonnie giggles, playfully punching her in the arm.

"I'm not a jerk!" Elena gasps, swatting Bonnie's hand away. "And I'm not picking up on anything!"

"Sorry to interrupt you girls, but it's Elena's nursing time," Damon says, striding into the kitchen, holding a blood bag.

"Damon… it can wait," Elena snaps, even as her eyes darken at the sight. Both of the vampires in the room hear the audible gulp that comes from Bonnie.

"It's okay, Elena… I've got to go home soon anyways. Jamie's coming over later."

"Please, Bonnie… Stay?" Elena says, trying her best to push away her primal urges. Damon looks expectantly at her, silently daring her to agree with Elena.

"No, Elena. I've got to go. You need to eat." Bonnie stands up and starts heading towards the door, with Elena sulking behind her.

"We're both very glad you visited, but you wouldn't want to over stay your welcome," Damon smirks, earning him a shove into the staircase from Elena. Bonnie laughs.

"I'm glad you don't let him push you around," she grins.

"I think he just let me have that one," smiles Elena. Damon rolls his eyes.

"I'm standing right here."

"If it bothers you, then go away!" Elena turns, crossing her arms. Damon lifts his hands in defeat and heads upstairs. "Sorry… he's been really weird lately."

"I don't blame him. You're different too."

"Other than the obvious… how?"

"You seem more open… more… old Elena."

"Yeah…" she says quietly, thinking about the _real_ first time she meet Damon and how she just opened up to a random stranger about her problems with her boyfriend. Yeah, she really had been open. Possibly too open. "I'm really glad you came," Elena says, shaking her thoughts away. Bonnie smiles genuinely.

"Well you didn't attack me. You should give yourself more credit."

"Thanks… I think I was just more prepared than anyone else we've known."

"You're right," Bonnie sighs, thinking of Abby.

"How is she?" Elena asks, reading Bonnie like an open book, which to her, she is. Bonnie nods.

"She's okay… I talked to her yesterday. I'm glad she agreed to keep in touch."

"I'm glad too," Elena says, leaning over for a hug. Bonnie hesitantly hugs her back.

"I've missed you, Elena," she says honestly. Elena nods, tears springing to her eyes.

"I missed you too."

...

Elena rolls her eyes, her emotions taking control of her once again. Elena had been trying over and over again for the past hour to slyly convince Damon to let her have another blood bag. The close proximity to a human had spiked her craving for blood and one bag really hadn't been enough. So, she's done being coy.

"Suck my dick," she snaps, glaring at him. Damon's eyes widen and his eyebrows raise, but a split second later he smirks.

"Whip it out," he retorts, with a wink. Elena gasps, feeling the heat flare up in her cheeks.

"God, Damon… you're so… ugh," she crosses her arms once again.

"… sexy, suave, fantastically good in the sack?"

"single-minded," she finishes with a giggle.

"Hmm… And I thought my description was so much better," he says dryly, a smirk playing on his lips. Elena rolls her eyes, but continues smiling any way.

"I don't know about that," she sniggers, somehow hiding the fact that she knows he's right about the first two… and most likely the last, as well. In a blink, he's standing right in front of her, invading her personal space, causing her to feel the electric pull between them as always. He's about to say, "why don't you let me prove you wrong?" but he decides against it. Instead he decides on something safer. Teasing her.

"Well, you don't know a lot about a lot, honey," he grins. Elena scoffs.

"Don't call me stupid!" she hisses, her breath hot against his lips.

"I didn't," he mutters, his eyes unintentionally trail down to her mouth.

"You meant it," she challenges.

"Stop acting like a teeny-bopper," he sighs melodramatically.

"If you haven't noticed, I'm forever 18. Which means I'm still a teenager. So, yes, _Damon_. I am a teeny-bopper," she rambles, crossing her arms, causing her arms to graze his chest. His tongue darts out to moisten his lips, an action she does not miss, but her eyes dart back up to his finding that his eyes are still on her lips. She feels her dead heart race. They haven't had a good screaming match in a while and Elena suddenly really wants one. She can't handle him being this close without the risk of exposing her constant want for him again. They have avoided talking about the incident when they basically dry humped and she likes it that way. She can't do that with Damon after she told him she chose Stefan. But god, does she really want to. Every touch, no matter how insignificant, makes her heart work over time to pump the stolen blood through her veins. Every gaze that lasts a heartbeat too long makes her ache with frustration. But they've been good so far and she wants… she wants… she really wants a lot of things, but she can't structure them together to make any sense in her messed up little head. Most of the time, when she's not craving the feel of blood running down her throat, she wants to love him, the way she knows he loves her, but whenever she thinks of how great his love is in comparison to her now weak connection with Stefan she feels unbelievable guilty. She wants to figure things out with Stefan. She really, _really_ does. But being with Damon really does consume her, and it's hard to think of anyone else when she's in his presence. And right now? She wants to know what it's like to be thoroughly fucked by Damon Salvatore.

...

Later that night, when she's alone in her bed - not in Stefan's room, never in Stefan's room - her hand makes it's way down her body, teasing herself with her eyes closed tight. She had always forced herself to think of Stefan's face whenever she touched herself, but it's getting harder and harder to do. So that night she gives up on trying to imagine that it is Stefan's fingers bringing her to ecstasy and she lets herself see Damon's face behind her closed eyelids, and as she comes, a sputtering moan slips past her lips.

"_D - Damon_…"

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As some people like to say, reviews are love... :)  
Oh, and if you find any grammar mistakes, don't be shy, tell me so I can fix it ASAP! I do check and re-check but sometimes things slip past me when I'm visually impaired. :P


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: As much as I wish I owned the characters of Vampire Diaries... I don't. Credit goes where it is due. Don't forget to read and review! Let me know if I didn't do anything properly (aka grammar or spelling...). I am in a foreign country at the moment and the English language has been escaping me from time to time.

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Damon rolls over as he buries his face into the large pillows adorning his bed in a failed attempt at trying to block out the noises coming from Elena's room. _Great_. Did she really have to jerk off while he was only a few doors away? She must know that his senses are exceptional enough to hear her. Is she purposely _trying_ to torture him? Or is she just _that_ ignorant? She lets out another gasp and he knows she's close. Damon groans. He wants to be the reason that she's making those noises. Not her fingers. But of course, he can't do anything about that. He hears another whimper and a gasp and then...

"_D - Damon_…"

No. This isn't fair. Did she really just say his name while climaxing? Not possible… _maybe_… no.

Across the hall, Elena clasps her hand over her mouth. _Crap_. She begs the gods above that he didn't hear. That wouldn't do. He can not know. Oh, but does she want him…

Damon sat up, speeding down the hall. If she's going to act oblivious, then he should enlighten her. His knock against her door makes her jump.

"D-don't come in!" she stutters.

"Keep it down in there, will you? I need my beauty sleep." _And your making that really hard to do. Actually… you're making a lot of things hard. _He hears her fidget on her bed.

"Sorry," she barely voices. Damon sighs, something that she hears perfectly. She wants to know what he heard but she doesn't know how to broach the subject, so she stumbles through it.

"It's… fine… just…" He sighs again. _No… it's not really fine, but I can't tell you that you're not allowed to do that. Around me anyways. _

"What… did you hear?"

"Enough," he says, leaning against the door, his fingers sliding over the door knob. That doesn't really answer her unspoken question. Elena's fingers tighten around the sheets, pulling them up to her chin. "You okay?"

_No_, she wants to say.

"Yeah… yeah, I'm fine."

"Goodnight, Elena."

"Damon?"

"Yeah?"

"Mm… never mind. Goodnight."

"…Kay. 'Night." He hesitates a bit, letting out a sigh, and heading back to his room. The second she hears his door close, Elena jumps out of bed and runs to the bathroom. She turns on the sink and looks down at her sticky fingers. She frowns. She never used to finger herself. Not really. Just lately. The first time had been when Matt dropped her off after a date to a dance club out of town, and she had gotten so worked up but had been too scared to go all the way with Matt. She was nervous and it had felt all kinds of wrong so she hadn't done it again. Of course a few weeks later her and Matt sealed the deal, it had been a disaster, but after a few tries it was fine. Nothing spectacular. Stefan had been different, not as playful as Matt, but just as gentle. Of course, there had been occasions when they were a little bit more horny but it had never gotten out of hand, especially because of Stefan's blood lust. But when she thought about sex with Damon… she couldn't help but imagine it being rough. Rough and sexy and _so fucking good_! And she remembered how her fingers had wandered down her belly with his sculpted body behind her eyelids. _Stop it!_ She thrust her hand under the scolding hot water and proceeded to scrub her juices off her fingers. _Ugh… I need a therapist_, she thought bitterly. As she shuts off the tap, she looks over in the general direction she thinks his bed is in. _I wish I was there… if not to have sex then to just sleep there, because as much as I want him, I love the comfort he can offer me. There it is again… that four-lettered word._ She sighs as she crawls into her bed. She strains to hear his soft breathing, and once she tunes into it, past the howling of the wind outside, she finds comfort in it. She can almost pretend that he's sleeping next to her. _Almost_. She sighs again and kicks the comforter off with her legs.

"Ugh," she groans, feeling tears well behind her eyes. She sucks in a deep breath, trying to calm herself. "_Damon_," she basically whines. In a split second he's standing in front of her, her door blown open. She gasps as she sees his expression, which is a mix of worry, frustration, and… what is that? Longing? _Wouldn't doubt it. You're basically torturing him, you slew._ She pushes her thoughts away as she takes in his form. His chest basically glows in the moonlight that's streaming in through her open window, and his pyjama pants hang loose on his hip.

"What's wrong?" he asks quickly, breaking her out of her thoughts, causing her eyes to look up into his.

"I…" She pauses. He looks at her startled face questioningly. "I can't sleep." She decides it's safer than some of the other things she could say to him._ "I'm horny and I don't like getting myself off." "I want you to finish what I started." "Get in my pants."_ No… those really wouldn't do.

"Well, maybe if you didn't masturbate so much, you wouldn't get yourself so excited," he says. She gasps. _Well that's blunt. _She would probably laugh if he wasn't saying it to her.

"Damon! What the hell?" she yells, her cheeks almost bursting into flames.

"Maybe you should think about the other residents of this household too."

"I didn't mean to say anything outloud!" she yells, as her blood begins to boil.

"Yeah, well you did."

"I'm sorry! I already apologized, what do you want me to do?"

"I don't know, Elena!" he yells, with just as much anger. "Just leave me out of it!" Elena gasps. So he did hear it.

"I…" she stalls, her voice quiet.

"Look…" he sighs.

"Just…" she starts.

"Let's…" He looks down. She feels like her hearts going to jump out of her chest.

"Forget…"

"It?" He looks back up at her, a pained expression on his face.

"Yeah…" She bites her lip, looking down and noticing she's torn the sheet from twisting them in her hands.

"Yeah…" he says quietly, staring at the lip she's biting.

"Damon…"

"Yeah?"

"I need…" she sighs. She can't tell him.

"I know," he groans. Her eyes snap up to meet his.

"You know?"

"I want… it too."

"But…"

"We can't."

"I know."

"You're hell, you know."

"I'm sorry."

"I know."

"What if we just…" She blushes. Again.

"What?"

"Never mind… It's stupid."

"Tell me," he says, walking over to sit on the end of her bed.

"What if you…" she starts.

"Elena… tell me."

"Can you still control my dreams?"

"Oh…"

"Can you?"

"Yes."

"That wouldn't be physical." _Emotional_, he thinks.

"No… I guess not."

"Can we try?"

"You would have to fall asleep first."

"I'll try." _Holy shit, am I really going to do this?_

"Okay…" he sighs. This would definitely be the end of him. This isn't about her cheating on Stefan anymore. This is about her tormenting him. And that, she definitely would do in the dream world too. But could he ever really deny her? Obviously not. This was the closest he would ever get to sleeping with her without tripping up her guilty conscious… and maybe his as well. Elena lets out a shaky breath and lays back down. Damon gets up off the foot of the bed and lays down beside her. Their hands find each others on top of the covers and Elena squeezes her eyes closed.

"Thank you."

"Sure."

A few minutes later Damon hears her heart beat slow and her breathing even out. He could just leave, now that she's asleep. He could save himself the pain. But what's a few more chips in his already broken heart? He looks at her peaceful face and he can easily imagine her face contorting in pleasure from his ministrations. He strains his mind a bit and he there, in her mind. Elena's standing in the great room in front of the fire place wearing a short little summer dress. He couldn't help but wonder, was this his imagination or hers?

"Elena?" he says quietly. Elena turns quickly, and he spots the tears running down her face. "Hey," he rushes, "what's wrong?"

"I don't know… I…. I think I made a mistake. I… feel horrible." He pulls her into his arms and she immediately buries her face in her neck.

"Hey, it's okay. Where do you want to go? We can imagine anything… go anywhere," he says, smiling carefully. Elena tightens her grip on his waist.

"Damon… I don't care where we are. I just want to be with you." Damon's eyes widen and he holds her even closer.

"Why, Elena?" He asks. "I need to know."

"I…" she stalls, just now realizing what she had blurted out. Her dream was making her extremely honest apparently. She pulls back from his neck to look him in the eyes, not missing his lingering gaze on her lips. So instead of answering him, she does what she's wanted to do for a long time and hesitantly reaches up and pulls his lips to hers. His soft lips teasingly nip at hers, causing her to open her mouth, letting his tongue rediscover the inside of her mouth. She can't help the moan that leaves her lips as his hands caress down her back. His lips leave hers and trail down her neck, letting her catch the breath that she doesn't even need. "Damon," she mumbles softly, as his fingers brush over her butt. He grabs her ass and pulls her up against him, hard. She lifts her legs and warps them around his waist, grinding herself against him. Damon rushes them down to the floor, lays down on top of her and thrusts his hips, grinding against her core, which only makes her moan even louder. His lips find hers again in a searing kiss. He pours all of himself into that kiss, making sure she didn't forget his love for her. He feels her fingers slip into his jeans. Jeans? Why is he even wearing clothes? But then he can't think anymore as he feels her soft touch on his dick.

"'lena…" he groans, breaking their kiss and looking into her eyes. He feels his heart lurch and he knows he never wants to leave her. "I…"

"Shh…" she whispers, unbuttoning his jeans, and pulling down the zipper. "I want you to make love to me… Now." Damon moans and feels Elena pull him out.

"Elena," he says, a little more forcefully. She continues stroking him. "Elena," he says, pulling her hands away. "I… can't do this."

"What? Why?"

"I'm not some toy you can use because you're horny," he says honestly. _You're hurting me_, he thinks. She looks at him wide-eyed.

"Damon, I didn't-"

"It's… I just need you to know, that even if this is your dream, I can't go back. I need all of you. I… can't have you run back to Stefan… I just won't be able to give you up. Are you still willing to go through with this?"

"I…" she hesitates, pulls her hands away from him and lets them rest on the floor. Damon sighs, pushing himself up to a sitting position.

"Figured," he states coldly. Elena sits up quickly, she feels something within her deflate.

"Damon… I don't know…" she says quietly, biting her lip. "I'm sorry."

"Please find Caroline. I need a break."

"What? I don't know where..."

"I need a break, Elena. From you… from this fucked up mess that we've created."

"Damon! You can't just do that! You can't just check out!"

"I can't handle it anymore, Elena! You're…" he groans, standing up, and pulling his pants back up. _I broke him_, she thinks. _Oh God, what have I done?_ She springs awake and sees that she's alone.

"Damon!" she yells, springing out of bed and rushing to his room. "Damon! Let me in!" she screams, banging on the door.

"Go away, Elena." She hears from inside.

"Damon," she cries. "Please, Damon… I care. I didn't mean to do that. I'm so, _so_ sorry. I just need to figure things out with Stefan first."

"I get it. It's always going to be Stefan."

"Stop it! Don't say that please. I feel something for you but…" Suddenly, his door is open and she's tumbling inside, she feels herself get thrown up against the wall, and she sees him right in front of her face, and she's terrified.

"Are you deaf? Or do you really not care about me enough to listen to what I'm saying and leave me the fuck alone?" he roars. She's so shocked that she doesn't know what to say. His grip on her arms increases and he slams her against the wall again. "Answer me!"

"I-I…"

"Full sentences, please," he mocks.

"No, Damon!" she yells. "Not if you're going to threaten me like this!"

"No?" he growls. "No?"

"No!" Suddenly his lips are on hers and she pushes her hips against his. He pulls at her desperately, while she grabs his pyjama pants, trying to push them down his hips.

"No," he growls and she feels herself flying across the room in the air and she screams as she land on his bed. He stands over her with his predatory features on display, his fangs peaking out past his parted lips. She moans and lets her legs fall open. She watches him crawl towards her and she lets her head fall back. _How did this happen?_ She feels his hand trail up her leg and feels his lips on her knee.

"Damon," she sighs as his lips leave a trail of kisses up her thigh. "Ah!" she screams when she feels his fangs piercing into the skin of her thigh. She looks down to see him pull his head away from her thigh, her blood dripping from his lips. She looks down at her already healing wound and back at him. He speeds up her body and kisses her lips, letting her taste her blood. Her fangs pop out and she bits down on his lip. She hears him hiss before she feels his hand over her breast. "Mmm…" she groans as his fingers tease her hardening nipple through her top. _Dear god, this man knows what he's doing._ She starts to pull at her top, bringing it over her head, when Damon suddenly stops. She looks over at him and sees that he's sitting up, looking away.

"Get out," he says, lowly, because as much as he wants her, she's only going to fuck him over. Literally. He knows she only craves sex because of her new urges. This new found arousal in Elena is only due to her vampirism. Yes, that's what it is. Nothing to do with him. _Don't fool yourself_, he thinks.

"What?" she asks, stunned, as she feels her heart sink. She pulls her shirt to her chest, covering herself.

"Get out," he says more clearly, looking at her, his face hard and unreadable.

"Damon… I don't understand."

"Get the fuck out!" he yells as she feels herself being lifted up. In a blink of an eye she's standing outside of Damon's room and he's slamming the door in her face. She sucks in a deep breath to stop the tears from spilling over.

"What the fuck?" she tries, but it only comes out as a whimper. Her head becomes extremely heavy on the short walk back to her room, with her arms wrapped protectively around herself, but she keeps it up with the tiny bit of pride she has left. Humiliation. That's what she feels. That and confusion. _What the hell just happened?_

* * *

A.N: I'd love it if you guys could leave a review. I honestly don't know if I should continue with this because I don't have much to go off of.


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